Love and Marriage in India

Traditional Indian white kurta

            Love and marriage are two forces which combine in a strange and unique fashion in India. This realization came to me when I was treated with the honor of attending an Indian wedding. I am aware that the traditions typical of American weddings must be strange to the outside observer (think of the garter belt ritual, the bouquet toss, the many drunken toasts…) just as the traditions I observed were foreign to me. Here, I will attempt to explain my fascinating experiences while attending an Indian wedding.

            As with many formal affairs, people come to weddings dressed to impress. In India, this means wearing traditional clothing and enough jewels to blind a person if viewed in direct sunlight. The men usually wear a nice kurta which is like a long patterned blouse. The groom has the best-looking kurta around and looks like a maharaja (prince) in his regality. The women, as is typical of any fancy affair, look absolutely gorgeous in beautiful silk saris laden with enough jewels that would make even a veteran bedazzler impressed. Many of the women also show of elaborate henna tattoos  on their hands and arms which they received at another pre-wedding gathering earlier in the week.

The calm before the storm; the groom is about to 

reach to take his first bite of the baked 

goods from the bride.

            Besides the fancy gowns and dress, the rituals are what I was most surprised by. It seems it’s a common ceremony in the Muslim wedding which I attended for the sister of the bride to meet the groom at the wedding before her sister is wedded to “welcome” the groom into her family. This consists of her serving the groom a variety of baked goods in which hidden inside of one is some kind of token which the groom must find. However, the twist is that while the groom tries to find these tokens, he is beaten, literally, with sticks and other implements from the bride’s family. To my unlearned eyes, the entire act looked like the groom trying to stuff his face as fast as possible as he was being beaten all of the sudden by the entire bride’s side of the family as everyone was clamoring to get a hit at him. At some point in the ritual, milk is brought out, perhaps to wash down all of the starchy baked goods for the groom but amidst the chaos the person carrying the milk decided to dump it on everyone.

            At the end of the ceremony, most people are saturated in milk, crumbs and baked goods lie everywhere, and the groom is recoiling from his ordeal. While the groom is down, it is also customary to steal the groom’s shoes, so that he has to be barefoot until the actual marriage ceremony. Afterwards, everyone disbands to go change and get ready for the real wedding ceremony, which mirrors that of American wedding relatively closely, except for the fact that the bride is directed to look downwards and not make eye contact with anyone until she is married to her soon-to-be husband when she can then reveal her beauty to the world.

The bride’s family entourage, carrying gifts and
 well wishes for the groom.

            Finally, the wedding ends in a magnificent feast with enough food for each person to make a sumo-wrestler fall into a food coma. When I say that the food at weddings is bottomless, I mean that servers are trained to spot an emptying plate from across the room and will refill your plate for you! Over and over this happens until everyone loses track of how much food they have eaten and begin to feel the inevitable belt-tightening around the stomach. Only then does the dessert come out – succulent and tantalizing South Indian delicacies sweet enough to send the tooth fairy running.

All in all, Indian weddings seem to overload every sense from the exquisite decorations, the beautifully dressed people, the amazing aroma of dozens of bouquets overflowing with fresh flowers, the serendipitous sight of wedding rituals, and finally topping off the wedding with the fantastic taste of fine Indian cuisine to close out the evening.

The Bobblehead Effect

I wish I could capture this phenomenon live for you, because I feel like I just won’t do the Bobblehead Effect justice by describing it in words. Alas, I will do my best to convey to you this strange and slightly addictive phenomenon.

I first came to notice this peculiar occurrence during my first few encounters with local Bangalore citizens, or Bangalorians as I have come to call them. At first, I thought they were just happy to see me, or maybe happy to agree with me. But then I began to notice it in every encounter I had and I came to realize that everyone is plagued by this habit.

Allow me to describe this condition: it seems that whenever some greeting, agreement, or parting word is reached in a conversation, people in India compulsively feel an urge to shake their head back and forth, much like a bobblehead. The effect is more pronounced in some than others, to the point where initially I was worried either that A) the person who I was talking to was about to have their head fall off or B) they were entering into violent spasms. I have no idea as to the origins of this habit, but it seems to be common universally across men, women, and children, both young and old; no one seems to be spared by this condition.

I originally mistook this habit as an indication that people were just so happy to see me, with their smiles so wide, that their head just couldn’t keep still and they had to flail it around similar to how a dog wags its tail. However, when people would do the same thing with their heads when I left the conversation as when I entered it, I knew it couldn’t be the case. I was also taken aback in conversations when I would ask a question, and people would respond with “Yes”, but they would shake their head around in a “No” fashion. Sometimes, I would have to ask the question again because I was getting mixed signals. After they repeated their answer a second time, still doing their bobblehead thing, I think they must have thought I was deaf, while I thought they were crazy. Either way, my first few conversations with people were a little rough.

Eventually, I began to realize that this is just a habit of conversation. What’s more, I began to join in the habit as well. Now, when I Skype my parents with my newly acquired bobblehead skill, they give me the same look I must have given everyone else. I know for them it will only take time until they too join in the habit. After all, when in India, do as the Indians do. 

Indian Cinema

India can leave an impression on a person in many ways; sometimes the impression may be good, sometimes maybe not as much. However, one thing that India does really well, far better in fact than the United States, is movie theaters.

The cinematic experience in India is one fit for a king but made accessible to the masses. Even upon entering the movie theater, one is taken aback by the grandiose foyer surrounded by a variety of delicious eateries for people whose palates may be more discerning than popcorn and soda. Of course, the classic theater snacks are still available and I can verify that popcorn in India is just as good as you will find in the United States. In fact, I find it even tastier with the various seasonings available to add to the popcorn like masala, cumin, and more. Don’t even get me started about the décor – the entire place is covered in marble flooring polished so well that you can see your face in the reflection. A nice chandelier in the entranceway was the perfect cherry on top as well.

Once you get inside of the actual theater, it is another experience entirely. In India, movie tickets are sold with specific seats printed on them, which means that you no don’t have to arrive early and sit through endless previews to ensure that you can save enough seats for your friends. Assigned seating also allows for different seating options to be available, which means you can go for the budget-conscious normal seats or upgrade to comfier seats that rival a La-Z-Boy recliner with the plush cushions, extra leg room and reclining capabilities. Keep in mind that even the upgraded tickets with the nice chairs only cost Rs. 300 which amounts to about $6, much cheaper than any American movie. If you really want to go all out, go for the Gold Class which is still only equivalent to $10. The Gold Class comes with actual La-Z-Boy recliners, your own side table complete with table lamp, a separate movie theater entirely so you can view the movie exclusively with other Gold Class purchasers, and even a waiting service and staff so that you can order food and have it served to you during the movie, no movement necessary. I haven’t yet been to the Gold Class section but I hope that very soon I will be able to experience the full extent of the Indian cinematic experience.

When the movie starts, all is quiet and the conditions seem perfect for a pleasant viewing experience. That is, until the movie star comes on or a good action sequence. Then, the movie theater turns into a sports game with whopping, cheering, and clapping. At first, I was taken aback by the break in unspoken movie theater etiquette so prevalent in the United States which is to be as silent as possible. After a while though, I began to like it. Movies become much more real when you are not only siding with the good guy internally, but also cheering and clapping loudly every time he usurps the bad guy. And when the good guy gets the girl…oh goodness…that’s when the cheering gets insane. Of course, in Indian movies kissing on screen is taboo. To convey the love between characters Bollywood movies have long sequences of intense, passionate hugs between actors which frankly make me a little uncomfortable in their sensuality, especially because there always seems to be a broken hose on the set so the actors are wet and glistening as they are embracing. Maybe the true reason they are hugging each other so tightly is that with their slippery skin they just can’t get a proper handle on each other.

I guess this is the Indian cinema then: grandiose decorations and ambiance, fantastic food, and a great crowd that goes crazy with every plot twist and every kiss...sensual hug. Is it better than the United States? I would have to say yes, definitely yes.