Love and Marriage in India

Traditional Indian white kurta

            Love and marriage are two forces which combine in a strange and unique fashion in India. This realization came to me when I was treated with the honor of attending an Indian wedding. I am aware that the traditions typical of American weddings must be strange to the outside observer (think of the garter belt ritual, the bouquet toss, the many drunken toasts…) just as the traditions I observed were foreign to me. Here, I will attempt to explain my fascinating experiences while attending an Indian wedding.

            As with many formal affairs, people come to weddings dressed to impress. In India, this means wearing traditional clothing and enough jewels to blind a person if viewed in direct sunlight. The men usually wear a nice kurta which is like a long patterned blouse. The groom has the best-looking kurta around and looks like a maharaja (prince) in his regality. The women, as is typical of any fancy affair, look absolutely gorgeous in beautiful silk saris laden with enough jewels that would make even a veteran bedazzler impressed. Many of the women also show of elaborate henna tattoos  on their hands and arms which they received at another pre-wedding gathering earlier in the week.

The calm before the storm; the groom is about to 

reach to take his first bite of the baked 

goods from the bride.

            Besides the fancy gowns and dress, the rituals are what I was most surprised by. It seems it’s a common ceremony in the Muslim wedding which I attended for the sister of the bride to meet the groom at the wedding before her sister is wedded to “welcome” the groom into her family. This consists of her serving the groom a variety of baked goods in which hidden inside of one is some kind of token which the groom must find. However, the twist is that while the groom tries to find these tokens, he is beaten, literally, with sticks and other implements from the bride’s family. To my unlearned eyes, the entire act looked like the groom trying to stuff his face as fast as possible as he was being beaten all of the sudden by the entire bride’s side of the family as everyone was clamoring to get a hit at him. At some point in the ritual, milk is brought out, perhaps to wash down all of the starchy baked goods for the groom but amidst the chaos the person carrying the milk decided to dump it on everyone.

            At the end of the ceremony, most people are saturated in milk, crumbs and baked goods lie everywhere, and the groom is recoiling from his ordeal. While the groom is down, it is also customary to steal the groom’s shoes, so that he has to be barefoot until the actual marriage ceremony. Afterwards, everyone disbands to go change and get ready for the real wedding ceremony, which mirrors that of American wedding relatively closely, except for the fact that the bride is directed to look downwards and not make eye contact with anyone until she is married to her soon-to-be husband when she can then reveal her beauty to the world.

The bride’s family entourage, carrying gifts and
 well wishes for the groom.

            Finally, the wedding ends in a magnificent feast with enough food for each person to make a sumo-wrestler fall into a food coma. When I say that the food at weddings is bottomless, I mean that servers are trained to spot an emptying plate from across the room and will refill your plate for you! Over and over this happens until everyone loses track of how much food they have eaten and begin to feel the inevitable belt-tightening around the stomach. Only then does the dessert come out – succulent and tantalizing South Indian delicacies sweet enough to send the tooth fairy running.

All in all, Indian weddings seem to overload every sense from the exquisite decorations, the beautifully dressed people, the amazing aroma of dozens of bouquets overflowing with fresh flowers, the serendipitous sight of wedding rituals, and finally topping off the wedding with the fantastic taste of fine Indian cuisine to close out the evening.